Tuesday, January 22, 2013 | 8:00 pm | 0 comments
There is no such thing as a best friend.
This is something that I've realized this year, there is no such thing as a best friend. There are strangers, acquaintances, classmates, colleagues, friends, good friends, buddies but no such thing as best friends.
So yes, I have close buddies, I have good friends, I have one or two confidantes, but I don't believe in best friends anymore.
I used to believe in best friends. I really do.
In primary school, I had 2 best friends.
One of them was a boy and we took the school bus to school everyday. The other one was a girl and we were in the same class. The biggest contrast between my two friends, was that the girl was totally not best friend material. She was nasty, she talked behind my back, she was selfish, she accused me of acting naive, she was jealous that I was made the class monitor with the boy - my other best friend.
In short, she didn't pass the best friend test. If I were to give her a score on the best friend scale, she would score a 2 out of 10. As for the boy, we lost touch after we graduated. Facebook being the typical powerful social media network that it is, has helped me get back in touch with this friend after 10years. But we were no longer 12 years old and no we weren't best friends anymore. But he was like a brother to me and even though we seldom talked now, I'm just content to know that he's doing very well. That's enough for me.
Stage 1 conclusion:
The one I thought was my best friend, turned out to be someone horrible and not who I thought they were.
The other one who was my best friend faded to only an acquaintance.
Enter Stage 2: The Teenage Years.
In secondary school, I made a few friends, and I have had my fair share of best friends too. But I realized some friends wanted me around only because my presence dissolved any rumors that might arise from their constant interaction (read: flirting) with guys. I thought I knew them, but on hindsight, I probably never really knew them even after 4 years together.
Stage 2 conclusion:
10 years of education and a dozen friends later, the people whom I once called my best friends weren't worth that much of my time or effort.
So if I were to count with my 10 fingers how many close friends and buddies do I have left now, I can safely tell you that after counting with my 10 fingers, I still have surplus. Surplus sounds very horrible like I have too many fingers lol but okay, what I meant was I have less than 8 of such friends left. The older you grow, the more you find that you don't need so many friends. Not really. But that doesn't really matter because the ones who are still sticking around are all awesome in their own unique way.
There's this episode in Code of Law about a girl Mei Li being held captive and tortured for 2 days, she then suffered a seizure while escaping and died of cardiac arrest.
Her attacker was her best friend.
Before you feel pity for the victim, allow me to share with you that it was the victim who spread nasty rumours about the perpetrator in school. It was the victim who stole the perpetrator's boyfriend and even got pregnant. It was the victim who had an affair with the perpetrator's father.
The perpetrator had deep-seated resentment about her so-called best friend. Yes, the perpetrator Lydia had no right to act on her impulses, however angry she might be. But what I want to say is, we all have a bit of Lydia in us because like it or not, we have all known a Mei Li in our life. Maybe not that extreme a Mei Li, but nevertheless a toxic friend. We just never pulled a Lydia, but we cannot deny we all have a bit of Lydia in us especially when dealing with a friend like Mei Li.
Do Best Friends Exist?
I don't think such a person actually exists.
I don't believe in a best friend because the term "best" meant that it has reached a level that none can surpass. I think it's too huge a burden to bestow on any human being. To have to bear the burden and weight of being the "best" at anything is already a difficult task, let alone being the "best" friend to another human being. Giving another human being the title of "best friend" dictates a certain level of commitment and expectation from them. I have long since learnt not to expect so much from others.
Instead, expect more from yourself, because life will be easier. Of course, don't give blindly la. If you gave blindly, you'll just become like me. Sometimes I regret putting in so much effort into a friendship only to have it come to nothing. Even though everyone says it's the journey that matters and not the destination, you will want a destination because you have invested time and heart into the friendship. But, what can you do. This is life and life is a bed of roses. Pretty on the outside but full of thorns on the inside.
Best friends is just another name for transitional friends.
You won't have best friends at every stage of your life, and neither will your best friend at age 14 stay on indefinitely to be your best friend at 24. They might stay, and they might not.
This person may be your best friend when you were 14, or throughout secondary school.
But I have this idea that once you grow out of that phase, you'll be able to have a clearer idea what kind of person your "best friend" is.
There are only 3 possibilities.
1. You changed, outgrew the childishness.
2. They changed, far beyond your recognition.
3. They were always this way, but you couldn't see it.
When you're in a controlled environment such as school, you look for friends whom will help you get through the years in school. You bond. You thought you were best friends. But after you outgrow your schooldays, get out of the controlled environment when you had to bond for survival, you start to open your eyes to the type of person your best friend really was.
So if you were to ask me now, do I have a best friend?
My answer will be no.
No, I do not have a best friend because the term is too heavy, and also I prefer to put more faith in myself.