The sudden overwhelming rush of unhappiness knocked me off my feet.
Jealous of the freedom, the kind of freedom I''ve never had, will never have.
Jealous of the trust, the kind of trust I've never earned, will never have.
Jealous of the happiness, the kind of happiness I've never experienced, and will never feel.
Jealous of the extravagance, the kind of extravagance I've never had, and will never have.
Jealous of the femininity, the kind I've never learned, and will never learn.
Jealous of the innate ability, the kind people grow to possess, the kind I've never grown to have.
Jealous of the adventure, the kind I've never seen, and will never have.
Jealous of the wanderlust, the kind I can only feel, and never act upon.

Depressed at my absolute failure as a female
Disappointed at my absolute failure as a girl
Dejected that I never seem to live up to anyone's expectations
Dismayed that I never seem to live up to my own expectations
Dispirited at my utter lack of confidence in myself
Drowning in this complete wreck of a remnant that used to be me.

Labels: Oct2011, Thoughts

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